An Antidote to Doomscrolling — Random Acts of Kindness
After the train wreck that was the debate Thursday night, I made a conscious effort on Friday to stop myself from doomscrolling social media. There is little I could say or read that would make a difference in my disappointment in Joe Biden’s performance or revulsion at the barrage of lies that were not fact-checked in real-time from the other person standing on stage. Nor would that stop the pundits from telling me what they think I should think. They all have their heads so focused on the tree standing in front of them and keeping their jobs that they lose the ability to step back and look at the entire forest much less another tree close by. So I opted for my own mental health and sanity and made myself a promise to try and stay away.
I did okay. Not great. I had my moments. And when I felt withdrawal from my social media addiction set in I headed to LinkedIn first. My theory being that it would be a much wiser and more productive choice.
The first thing that made my thumb stop was a clip of my friend Liz Kaplow, Founder and CEO of Kaplow Communications being interviewed by Cindy Hsu for her Start with Kindness segment on CBS New York.
Kindness.
Kindness to ourselves and kindness to others. Now there’s a thought.
Abstaining from the unproductive online chatter was me being kind to me. The algorithms favor rage and hate over kindness. Rage and hate get more attention which gets more engagement. Engagement = clicks = advertising money for the networks. That’s how the Attention Economy works.
But just like I can’t control the unchecked lying of a certain presidential candidate, I can’t control that. I am not running a network or in charge of tweaking algorithms on X or Facebook.
But kindness. Kindness is something I do have control over.
Which brings me to this. What if everyone — and I mean everyone — committed to at least one random act of kindness every single day?
Could that shift this anxious energy we are all feeling? Could that make us all nicer to each other, even when we have differing opinions?
I don’t know. But what I do know is that if I can change the energy of one person — if even for a few minutes — by showing kindness — that is doing something that can make a positive difference. And the bonus is that it also makes me feel good.
Here are a few of my tips on practicing random acts of kindness.
Something seemed to shift during the pandemic and our addiction to technology went into overdrive causing people to walk down the street playing a video game or scrolling Instagram. It made us unaware that we were sharing public space with others and consequently more rude. You can’t practice random acts of kindness when you don’t notice you’re not the only person in the elevator.
Now that you’ve noticed the person next to you try smiling. A smile is a simple act of kindness and connection. It does not cost money. It does not hurt. The worst that can happen is the person will not smile back.
I am notorious for talking to strangers. As a born and raised New Yorker of Greek descent it comes with the territory. I recently had a delightful conversation with a young woman in Whole Foods while we were both trying to decide between candle scents. I may never see that woman again, but we laughed, helped each other choose, and commiserated over the ridiculous price we were each paying to treat ourselves to a candle. We had a moment that made our respective days a little better.
I have a habit of ordering my Starbucks ahead of time. The one closest to me is always crowded and I get impatient as invariably I am always behind the person who seems to never have entered a Starbucks before and has a thousand questions to ask. Even though I go directly to the pick-up section when I walk in, I make it a habit to raise my coffee to the barista, smile and say thank you. The response? A nod from them and a wish for a good day.
One of the things that contributes to all the hate and vitriol online is that for some reason I do not understand people feel they can say things online they might never say if that person was standing in front of them. We can’t change the algorithms or what other people are saying and doing, online or offline, but we can control what we do and how we react — which is far more productive and more enjoyable than doomscrolling. Try it. Be kind. As my mother used to say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, maybe you shouldn’t say it.
My interview with Janet Hanson on her mostly bullish career at Goldman Sachs
Since we’re all a bit uncomfortable this days, my thoughts on why it’s okay to be uncomfortable.
Heather Cox Richardson, Letters From An American on Thursday’s Debate and the Gish Gallop, a gaslighting technique.
Crafting Your Pitch, A Storytelling Framework is now available on Audible!Note — writing a review counts as a random act of kindness!!
Originally published at https://joannetombrakos.substack.com.
