The Power In Pausing
a lesson from my mother we could all use now
My mother was an old-school creative. Her creativity was at its best as a baker and in the clothes she sewed by hand. My brother and I would often tease her that if she had been born in today’s world she would have been one of those famous designers working out of a loft in Brooklyn and designing dresses for celebrities.
When Mom ran into an issue and wasn’t sure what to do next, whether it was trying to recreate a recipe that had lived only in her immigrant mother’s head or a problem she ran into with a pattern for a dress she was making, she had a habit that I learned to see as a signal that given a little bit of time she would know what to do.
She would turn and pause, her left hand on her hip and the tip of her first finger on her lips, signaling me to be quiet. Then she would say, “Let’s think here.”
There was to be no talking, just thinking and considering her options. Sometimes the silence would be long, other times not so much. I knew enough not to say anything, even when I got older and might have a plausible solution. She needed the pause, to think things through before moving forward. I would study her, wonder what was going on inside of her head, what internal conversation was transpiring or if there was any and she was just waiting for divine intervention to give her a signal.
There was the moment that followed when the corners of her lips would curl into a smile and she would turn to me, grinning and tell me what we were going to do.
It was a habit I adopted and practice to this day.
Pausing.
Pausing and thinking. Pausing before rushing ahead and taking an action without considering the implications. Pausing before speaking. Pausing when recording a podcast episode to listen to what my guest is saying before rushing ahead with whatever the next prepared question is. Pausing when a student asks me a question in one of my classes to not just consider the answer, but consider who it is I am speaking to. Pausing before rushing to my social media feed and posting whatever comes off the top of my head.
What happened yesterday to the former president and soon to be confirmed GOP candidate in the current election should be a moment for us all to collectively pause and reflect on what kind of a country we are going to be. Perhaps consider how we can move forward and tone done the rhetoric and the hate and find a place where we can debate our differences in a civil tone.
That’s not necessarily what is happening now. Social Media does not hit pause, nor does the Media. Much of what has been in my own social media feeds is how unthinkable what happened is, that this could have happened in the United States of America.
But it is not that unthinkable.
I have memories growing up of watching John F. Kennedy being assassinated and then six years later Martin Luther King and Bobby KennedyRonald Reagan was shot in 1981. Mass shootings from Columbine to Sandy Hook to Uvalde have become so common place that I recognize what used to horrify me now leaves me feeling numb.
None of what happened is unthinkable anymore, but that does not mean we should not take a page from my mother’s book and pause and consider our options moving forward. Who do we want to be as a country, as individuals in this country?
I hope we all do that, but what I hope may not be what happens. Some will take a momentary pause and instead of thinking of the greater good, will consider how they can maximize this moment for their personal good.
I can’t control any of that — the spin the media or either campaign will take with this latest series of events. I just know there will be very little pausing on their part. But I know what I can control is me. I can pause. We all can take a moment to pause and to reflect. Who do we want to be?
Does this make sense?
You tell me.
Originally published at https://joannetombrakos.substack.com.